So this week I had a topic I was going to write about, I had been thinking about it a lot this week. Well the Lord changed my mind today. This morning, if I’m being honest, I wanted to sleep-in. I laid there debating…”I could just lay here & get some more sleep or I can get up & go to church.” I had a feeling that I needed to go so I got my tired butt up & went. On the way I prayed for guidance, I asked the Lord to use me & let me know what it was I should do to serve Him and bring glory to His name. He answered me.
He let me know that I needed to share about His love & grace. “Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound, That saved a wretch like me.” Today as I sat there in church listening to these words being sung, I was so thankful. We are all sinners, we all fail everyday & the beautiful thing is, He forgives us anyway, He loves us anyway. No one is perfect but every person that lives in Christ will one day be walking along side Him. We don’t deserve His grace but he gives it to us anyway.
The church service today really spoke to me, from the message/scripture, right down to the songs played. The pastor spoke of Jesus rising from the tomb, how Jesus died for all of us & rose again. He did that so we all could have everlasting life in Heaven. There will be no suffering, no hate, no pain of any kind, only peace & love. What a glorious day that will be! Who else could have given me, given all of us, that promise? There is no one but Jesus Christ.
Losing my husband has been extremely hard, it will always be hard, but God is carrying me through it. I know that. I sometimes wonder how I’m continuing on, how I’m not breaking down every hour on the hour & there is simply one answer, by the grace of God. He is getting me through this & the more I lean on Him, the more I feel Him carrying me. He told us in Matthew 11:28, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” And it was said in Psalm 34:18 that “The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” The only way to get through times that we as humans simply can’t make sense of ourselves is through Him.
After the service, as I drove to the cemetery to sit with Erik, a song played. My Story by Big Daddy Weeve. I was already feeling as though I needed to write about the Lord, about the grace I’m given daily, how I wouldn’t be surviving this without Him & then I listened to this lyric from that song…”If I should speak then let it be of the grace that is greater than all my sin…To tell you my story is to tell of Him.”
I have been telling my story, my experiences of becoming a young widow & the grief that comes along with that, but I need to also include the grace & love that the Lord shows me every single day. My story needs to include Him because without Him I have no story. Trust me when I say I know what it’s like to hurt, to be torn apart from the inside, to get angry, to ask why & want answers, I truly do…but God will not leave me & He will not leave you. He understands your pain and He wants to help, you just have to ask Him. Pray. “When life gives you more than you can stand, kneel.”